World Of Firsts: My First Experience in Whole Foods

Gather ’round, chirren. It’s story time!

Now, I am such a virgin to many, many things. JB, however, is a dirty, DIRTY girl and is very, VERY experienced…as food is concerned. 😉 But anywho, let’s get this thang cracking. (Like eggs. I did a funny.)

So this may (or may not, idk your lives) come as a shocker to many of you, but up until about a month ago, I’d never stepped foot inside of a Whole Foods. *gasp* surprise surprise, right? I know. I’ve been missing out, clearly. You would think that I’d frequent this place considering that I live less than five miles away from one. But NOAP.

WHAT BE WRONG WIT HUH?! I’ll tell you what be wrong with her.

I actually have been deathly intimidated by Whole Foods for sometime. Yop, sure have. Just ask JB.


Yea, I was pretty much petrified. Hearing about $12 avocados is enough to send me running…to the store because I’m an impulsive shopper and a sucker for a bomb ass organic avocado. Ok so they might not be $12 but you get the point.

Enough rambling about my shopping addiction.

So I finally mustered up the courage to go and BITCH. That’s all I could say. bitch. Bitch. BITCH.

First of all, so many organic things. All of the organic things. Is that you, heaven? So naturally me being me, I go straight for the wine. Why? Cause I’m grown and leave me alone. There was a cute selection but I knew I couldn’t get sucked into the euphoria of choosing a wine cause I was there for da foodz.

After strolling through the aisles of fancy potato chips and gluten free air snax, I finally made my way to the hot food. So much to choose from and (of course) I had no idea what I was about to get. And with me being the indecisive asshole that I am, it took me a while.

But how can you blame me? From the sushi, to the salad bar, to the different pastas and RED QUINOA. AGH. But I finally decided on mango salmon with jerk collard greens and macaroni and cheese. WHEW. I WAS IN MY FEELINGS, OK? So delish.

I definitely walked out a happy camper on that day, yes I did. Since then, I’ve frequently shopped at Whole Foods. Maybe a little too much. Whoopsies! But bitches be hungry, man.


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